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Who goes glub glub? (Pisces duh)

One of the four mutable zodiac signs is perfect. They do everything well: maintain healthy relationships, handle stress, have a stable work ethic. And that mutable sign is unequivocally the Virgo. But there is one other mutable sign that comes close to her, and that is the Sagittarius.

But who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Glub


Now, if you've been following along with my highly influential zodiac series on The Freako Diva, you might remember the little oversight I had with my mermaid identification. What mermaid, you might ask? The mermaid that I thought I saw in the vast expanses of the Aquarian's soul. I regret to inform you that I was mistaken. The Aquarian is no mermaid. 

But then who?

Who is the mermaid?

My upcoming prediction is that, of course, the Pisces is the mermaid. And even though I know you know the Pisces is a fish that goes glub glub and not a mermaid, I shall not give in. This is my truth and I am entitled to it. I consider myself an expert of water dwellers because once I had a pet goldfish. And this goldfish taught me everything I need to know about people born between February 19th and March 20th. 

The Pisces always feels like one of the two following options: the scary lightbulb fish or the sad, blobfish. If you are a Pisces that goes glub glub and feels like a lightbulb fish, you should consider talking about your feelings. Often, that innate desire to murder all that moves around you comes from bottling up all your feelings and throwing them out into the sea. Please don't do that. That's when scary things happen. Instead, talk it out and realize that things aren't as bad as you might think they are.

If you feel like you're a ball of snot with eyes, consider accepting certain things and looking for other positives. For example, the blobfish looks like snot because it is out of its natural habitat. Maybe you, too, are out of your natural habitat. Go out. Find your natural habitat. 

Either way, you both should thank the heavens you aren't a Goblin Shark.

P.S. Please stop coming at me if I sound mean. It's not my fault Virgos are superior to every other zodiac sign, Leave me alone.  

ADDENDUM: It saddens me to inform everyone that I am once again mistaken. The Pisces is not a mermaid. The Pisces is a Goldfish. 

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