The Holiday Season is upon us, regardless of which holiday we celebrate, and the joy is so prevalent in the air that the temptation to disembowel your friends and family is irresistible! No? Just me?
Although I know how dark our fantasies can sometimes be, especially during such a magical time of year, I don't think they are as dark as these old, Pagan traditions that have made their way to Christmas.
Hans Trapp
The most terrifying part about this legend is that it is based on a real guy names Hans von Trotha, who lived in 15th-century Palatinate, a region in southwestern Germany. With a biography consisting of fraud and illegitimacy in business matters, as well as depriving a town of water by building a dam in the river and then flooding that town by suddenly tearing down said dam, completely wrecking the town economically, von Trotha was also a Satanist. He ended up being exiled by the Catholic Church under Pope Alexander VI to the forest. It all went downhill from there: Hans Trapp became known as the Black Knight, and dressing up as a scarecrow, hunted little children in desperate attempts at finding sustenance for survival. It's like there was nothing else to eat in the forest. I think he would have more luck hunting birds or rodents than he had hunting children. The chances of coming across a child is much lower than the chances of coming across a rat.
Legend has it, that when trying to eat a little boy he managed to catch, Hans Trapp got - you won't believe it - HIT BY A LIGHTENING BOLT. The wrath of the heavens? If you didn't believe such a theatrical death, you're probably no fun at parties, but you're also right. According to Wikipedia, the most trustworthy source on all of the Internet, Hans von Trotha died in his castle, Bergwartstein Castle, on October 26, 1503, due to natural causes. Very anti-climactic, but I think this was such a long time ago it's okay to believe whatever you want and possibly even make something up as you go.
Belsnickel
Also called the Masked Gift-Bringer, Belsnickel is like Santa Claus, if you don't take into account that he kidnaps naughty children and makes them pay for being naughty in the woods by forcing them to dance, sing, or read poetry for him. The nature of the performance depends on what Belnickel is in the mood for that day. There is good news, however. Belsnickel does give some children a chance at redemption, and he is supporting the arts in youth, something very rare and much needed.
Belsnickel's style of action consists of leaving small toys and sweets for nice children and switches for children who were naughty during that year. He arrives on Christmas Eve, knocking on windowpanes and doors, in a mask. Holding a black bag in one hand, Belsnickel carries a switch or whip in the other hand, prepared to punish the naughty children right there and then, just as he gives the goodies to the nice children. According to Indobase, "Belsnickel is shown as a thin, lanky person who dresses up in fur clothing, paints his face, wears a mask, and attaches bells to his costume". Sounds like Belsnickel is from San Francisco.
Jólasveinar
Also known as the 13 Yule Lads, these lads are actually really creepy, old men, resembling the seven dwarves from Snow White in that their names represent what they spend most of their time doing. Just in case you still don't get it, let me give you some examples. Pot-Licker steals all of your pots and feeds off of the leftovers in them. Bowl-Lickers does the same thing, but instead of pots he steals your bowls. He also hides underneath your bed. Doorway-Sniffer sniffs your doorways. Spoon-Licker is similar to the Pot and Bowls lickers, but Spoon-Licker suffers from malnutrition because of how few leftovers he gets from spoons. Door-Slammer does nothing with his life but slam YOUR doors in the middle of the night. How annoying is that? Oh, and then there's Sheep-Cote Clod who harasses your sheep. Okay, he tries to suckle your sheep, and there's a whole emotional dilemma about it because his knees are actually made of wood and he can't bend them in order to get at the optimal suckling angle. This makes suckling your sheep harder than it seems. In fact, it's impossible, so stop worrying.
Gryla
This
is the 13 Yule Lads' Mama! She had three husbands and 72 children.
Honestly, I think she deserves some form of positive recognition for
that. She also kidnaps misbehaving children and eats them. She's currently
married to Leppalú∂i, a very lazy but not too evil man.
Jólakötturinn
This is the local fashion nazi. This horrifying cat eats you if you don't get new clothing before Christmas Eve. This fiendish feline is also the pet of Gryla, Leppalú∂i, and their thirteen sons mentioned above. Although this cat seems to be a horrible phenomena that strikes nothing but fear in children, it was meant to invoke sentiments of generosity in those who were more fortunate than others, so that they would give their clothing to poor children. I don't know how well that worked out.
Krampus
I know you've all been waiting for the infamous Krampus this entire time! The devilishly sinister-looking goat that would know exactly which child had been misbehaving, and then would proceed to beat that child with a bundle of birch sticks, whip that child with horsehair, and then drag them down to Hell. This is where the child would have to spend the next year with Krampus. The ENTIRE YEAR. Most likely originated from Germanic Paganism, Krampus is the balance of good and evil in the world. Like mean cop, nice cop, Krampus is the mean cop to Santa's nice cop. Let me know if that analogy worked out.
Frau Perchta
Here comes the next evil specimen of the Christmas season! This charming madam paid little children a visit on the 12th day of Christmas, also known as Epiphany, leaving cute, little pieces of silver for the good kiddies and disemboweling the bad ones! In greater detail, Mrs. Perchta tore out their intestines and replaced them with straw and rocks.
Good news is that Frau Perchta doesn't limit her operations on only little children, but also on women who were too lazy to clean the house, cook porridge, and spin all of their flax. If your house isn't clean, you're a horrible person and deserve to have your house burned down to ashes. But if you also didn't leave food for Perchta and didn't finish spinning your flax, she'll disembowel you and, much like with the children above, replace your intestines with rocks and straw. She also has an army of devil-slaves, called Perchten, who look exactly like Krampus, making it impossible to distinguish him from her army. Good thing that Boroughsofthedead really dug into the issue and explained in great detail how to tell Krampus apart from the Perchten. CONTEXT. Krampus rides with Santa on Christmas Eve, while Perchten ride behind a scary witch lady on Epiphany, the last three thursdays before Christmas. Moral of the story? Keep your house clean or your bowels will be torn out of your abdomen as you flinch ecstatically in unbearable agony, all the while not dying because...magic?
Sources:
Movie Pilot
Cracked
Mental Floss
Ranker
Indobase
Ancient Origins
Boredom Therapy
Boroughsofthedead
Iceland
Hans Trapp
Legend has it, that when trying to eat a little boy he managed to catch, Hans Trapp got - you won't believe it - HIT BY A LIGHTENING BOLT. The wrath of the heavens? If you didn't believe such a theatrical death, you're probably no fun at parties, but you're also right. According to Wikipedia, the most trustworthy source on all of the Internet, Hans von Trotha died in his castle, Bergwartstein Castle, on October 26, 1503, due to natural causes. Very anti-climactic, but I think this was such a long time ago it's okay to believe whatever you want and possibly even make something up as you go.
Belsnickel
Also called the Masked Gift-Bringer, Belsnickel is like Santa Claus, if you don't take into account that he kidnaps naughty children and makes them pay for being naughty in the woods by forcing them to dance, sing, or read poetry for him. The nature of the performance depends on what Belnickel is in the mood for that day. There is good news, however. Belsnickel does give some children a chance at redemption, and he is supporting the arts in youth, something very rare and much needed.
Belsnickel's style of action consists of leaving small toys and sweets for nice children and switches for children who were naughty during that year. He arrives on Christmas Eve, knocking on windowpanes and doors, in a mask. Holding a black bag in one hand, Belsnickel carries a switch or whip in the other hand, prepared to punish the naughty children right there and then, just as he gives the goodies to the nice children. According to Indobase, "Belsnickel is shown as a thin, lanky person who dresses up in fur clothing, paints his face, wears a mask, and attaches bells to his costume". Sounds like Belsnickel is from San Francisco.
Jólasveinar
Also known as the 13 Yule Lads, these lads are actually really creepy, old men, resembling the seven dwarves from Snow White in that their names represent what they spend most of their time doing. Just in case you still don't get it, let me give you some examples. Pot-Licker steals all of your pots and feeds off of the leftovers in them. Bowl-Lickers does the same thing, but instead of pots he steals your bowls. He also hides underneath your bed. Doorway-Sniffer sniffs your doorways. Spoon-Licker is similar to the Pot and Bowls lickers, but Spoon-Licker suffers from malnutrition because of how few leftovers he gets from spoons. Door-Slammer does nothing with his life but slam YOUR doors in the middle of the night. How annoying is that? Oh, and then there's Sheep-Cote Clod who harasses your sheep. Okay, he tries to suckle your sheep, and there's a whole emotional dilemma about it because his knees are actually made of wood and he can't bend them in order to get at the optimal suckling angle. This makes suckling your sheep harder than it seems. In fact, it's impossible, so stop worrying.
Gryla
This
is the 13 Yule Lads' Mama! She had three husbands and 72 children.
Honestly, I think she deserves some form of positive recognition for
that. She also kidnaps misbehaving children and eats them. She's currently
married to Leppalú∂i, a very lazy but not too evil man.Jólakötturinn
This is the local fashion nazi. This horrifying cat eats you if you don't get new clothing before Christmas Eve. This fiendish feline is also the pet of Gryla, Leppalú∂i, and their thirteen sons mentioned above. Although this cat seems to be a horrible phenomena that strikes nothing but fear in children, it was meant to invoke sentiments of generosity in those who were more fortunate than others, so that they would give their clothing to poor children. I don't know how well that worked out.
Krampus
Frau Perchta
Here comes the next evil specimen of the Christmas season! This charming madam paid little children a visit on the 12th day of Christmas, also known as Epiphany, leaving cute, little pieces of silver for the good kiddies and disemboweling the bad ones! In greater detail, Mrs. Perchta tore out their intestines and replaced them with straw and rocks.Good news is that Frau Perchta doesn't limit her operations on only little children, but also on women who were too lazy to clean the house, cook porridge, and spin all of their flax. If your house isn't clean, you're a horrible person and deserve to have your house burned down to ashes. But if you also didn't leave food for Perchta and didn't finish spinning your flax, she'll disembowel you and, much like with the children above, replace your intestines with rocks and straw. She also has an army of devil-slaves, called Perchten, who look exactly like Krampus, making it impossible to distinguish him from her army. Good thing that Boroughsofthedead really dug into the issue and explained in great detail how to tell Krampus apart from the Perchten. CONTEXT. Krampus rides with Santa on Christmas Eve, while Perchten ride behind a scary witch lady on Epiphany, the last three thursdays before Christmas. Moral of the story? Keep your house clean or your bowels will be torn out of your abdomen as you flinch ecstatically in unbearable agony, all the while not dying because...magic?
Sources:
Movie Pilot
Cracked
Mental Floss
Ranker
Indobase
Ancient Origins
Boredom Therapy
Boroughsofthedead
Iceland
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